January 6, 2010

nineteen

Posted in kate at 10:42 pm by kate

1. So I’m going to Vegas next week and I need a new suitcase.

2. I need a new suitcase because when I left for the airport to take my last trip I discovered that the handle on my super-convenient rolling suitcase would not — well, it wouldn’t do whatever the opposite of retract was. It would not extend.

3. Do you know how useful a super-convenient rolling suitcase is if the handle will not extend? IT’S COMPLETELY USELESS. It took me about an hour to get that stupid, bulky, retracted-handle fucker across the airport.

4. Fortunately, I was pulled aside for an extensive search and screening before I was allowed to board the plane. It was during this time that I discovered that by laying my suitcase flat on its back, unzipping it and rifling around inside, I was then — and only then — able to pull the handle out and use my suitcase like a normal fucking suitcase.

5. I tried to streamline the process a little, of course. I thought that maybe I could just lay it flat on its back and pull the handle out, or maybe that I could just open the zipper and rifle a little, but I learned that I absolutely had to complete all the steps in that order: lay suitcase flat on back, open zipper fully, engage in at least thirty seconds of rifling and then, only then, could I pull the handle out.

6. I completed the process here in Toronto, on a layover in Phoenix and then again when we landed in California. And in front of our hotel after we got out of the cab. It was like traveling with a temperamental cat and I if I had a dime for every time I called that suitcase a stupid motherfucker I would be writing this entry from my own private island.

7. So I’m going to Vegas next weekend. And I need a new suitcase.

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4 Comments »

  1. Marlo said,

    I have to ask (as I have just started following you on Twitter):
    Are you “The Kate” from … http://www.thekate.net?

    I started reading you YEARS ago! (Of course, not in a freakish, weird, you should block me sort of way.)

    Cheers!

  2. B. Catie Anchev said,

    If you can swing it, get you one of them bags with the wheels that rotate in all directions. It makes the whole operation smooth like silk. Or butter.

  3. craige said,

    Yeah, those all ways rotating bags look pretty neat. The only problem with them, that I can see, is if you are stopped on a sloping surface. I think there is no way to keep the bag from rolling away. I mean, aside from continuously holding on to it.

  4. kate said,

    I am not the Kate from the thekate.net, sorry! We have some mutual friends, though.


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